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To the cat on my lap

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Me: “Ignore him.”

Cat: “But listen! He’s trilling, and meowing! It must be serious!”

Me: “Don’t fall for it.”

Cat: “MY EYES ARE HUGE! The rug has attacked him!”

Me: “It’s a trap, you know it is.”

Cat: “OMG! OMG! HE NEEDS MY HELP!”

Me: Sigh.

Cat: “HERE I COME, HERE I COME, HERE I *OW* HE BIT MY HEAD! THIS PERFIDY SHALL NOT STAND, SIR!”

Me: “You don’t know how to spell perfidy, let alone what it means.”

Cat: “HAVE AT YOU!“

Me: “Welp, back to work…”

Cats: “We...

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